my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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