I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
