awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
