i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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