I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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