He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
