I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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