Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
NoShamevember. You game?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
