dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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