I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
