Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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