Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
