I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
