First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
