Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
