Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
no. you can't hotbox the world.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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