i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I look better un-naked...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
