No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
