I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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