Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
