I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
