So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
