I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I need to calm my uterus...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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