For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
