Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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