It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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