i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
