She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
