I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
