Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
