I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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