She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
