Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
