There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
