You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
