last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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