All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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