my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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