ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
