if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There are leaves in my underwear?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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