she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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