do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
