You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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