Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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