He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
