I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This baby is an asshole
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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