we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
