I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
