Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
