No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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