words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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