Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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