Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Houston, we have a squirter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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