i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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