I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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