I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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