We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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