my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
