I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
