I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
