I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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