She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
