I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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