I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
