Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
