He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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