So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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