martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
