My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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