I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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