Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
