Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize