Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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