just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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